Funny Quotes
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
- Oscar Wilde
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
- Walt Disney
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde
Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
- Walter Winchell
Get the facts first. You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
- Benjamin Franklin
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor
History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
- Napoleon Bonaparte
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
- Oscar Wilde
Humor is reason gone mad.
- Groucho Marx
It is better to be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
- Mark Twain
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain
If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
My way of joking is telling the truth; that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
- Winston Churchill
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
- Mark Twain
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
Life is like a sewer...
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
Funny Life Quotes A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Bob Hope
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
- Will Rogers
A fool and his money are soon elected.
- Will Rogers
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
A friend is one who has the same enemies as you have.
- Abraham Lincoln
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
- H. L. Mencken
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
- Winston Churchill
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
- Mark Twain
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
Life is like a sewer...
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
Funny Life Quotes A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Bob Hope
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
- Will Rogers
A fool and his money are soon elected.
- Will Rogers
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
A friend is one who has the same enemies as you have.
- Abraham Lincoln
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
- H. L. Mencken
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
- Winston Churchill
Funny Quotes on Life EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (1971)
Everyone should have at least two friends - one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
- Oscar Wilde
Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
- H. L. Mencken
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
- Mark Twain
Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Anonymous
Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks! It's going be a bumpy ride!
- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too. My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- Anything Else (2003)
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
Forget love... I'd rather fall in chocolate.
- Anonymous
Frankly, I'm too scared to ask about the frog.
- Tangled (2010)
Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families.
- Anonymous
Friends are like bras:
close to your heart and there for support.
- Anonymous
Friends are the siblings God never gave us.
- Mencius
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
- Samuel Butler
Friendship is Love without his wings.
- Lord Byron
From wine what sudden friendship springs.
- John Gay
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- Dr. Strangelove (1964)
Get the facts first. You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
Go ahead, make my day.
- Sudden Impact (1983)
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain
Good friends are like stars… you don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
- Anonymous
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
- Mark Twain
Gossip is the art of saying nothing
in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
- Walter Winchell
Greetings, cosmic children of the universe. Welcome to my serenity circle. Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- Shrek the Third (2007)
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
- Benjamin Franklin
- Oscar Wilde
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
- Oscar Wilde
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
- Walt Disney
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde
Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
- Walter Winchell
Get the facts first. You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
- Benjamin Franklin
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor
History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
- Napoleon Bonaparte
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
- Oscar Wilde
Humor is reason gone mad.
- Groucho Marx
It is better to be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
- Mark Twain
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain
If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
My way of joking is telling the truth; that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
- Winston Churchill
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
- Mark Twain
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
Life is like a sewer...
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
Funny Life Quotes A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Bob Hope
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
- Will Rogers
A fool and his money are soon elected.
- Will Rogers
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
A friend is one who has the same enemies as you have.
- Abraham Lincoln
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
- H. L. Mencken
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
- Winston Churchill
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
- Mark Twain
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
Life is like a sewer...
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
Funny Life Quotes A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Bob Hope
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
- Will Rogers
A fool and his money are soon elected.
- Will Rogers
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
A friend is one who has the same enemies as you have.
- Abraham Lincoln
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
- H. L. Mencken
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
- Winston Churchill
Funny Quotes on Life EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (1971)
Everyone should have at least two friends - one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
- Oscar Wilde
Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
- H. L. Mencken
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
- Mark Twain
Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Anonymous
Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks! It's going be a bumpy ride!
- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too. My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- Anything Else (2003)
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
Forget love... I'd rather fall in chocolate.
- Anonymous
Frankly, I'm too scared to ask about the frog.
- Tangled (2010)
Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families.
- Anonymous
Friends are like bras:
close to your heart and there for support.
- Anonymous
Friends are the siblings God never gave us.
- Mencius
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
- Samuel Butler
Friendship is Love without his wings.
- Lord Byron
From wine what sudden friendship springs.
- John Gay
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- Dr. Strangelove (1964)
Get the facts first. You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
Go ahead, make my day.
- Sudden Impact (1983)
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain
Good friends are like stars… you don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
- Anonymous
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
- Mark Twain
Gossip is the art of saying nothing
in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
- Walter Winchell
Greetings, cosmic children of the universe. Welcome to my serenity circle. Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- Shrek the Third (2007)
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
- Benjamin Franklin